Why I’m smarter than Airline Product Managers

Actually, anyone with a basic grasp of mathematics is smarter than airliner seat designers. And airline product managers. And anyone else involved the abominable design of airline seats. I’m not talking about legroom. That’s not the problem of the seats themselves, generally speaking. That’s the fault of the asshole who is squeezing rows of said seats closer and closer together. No, the problem deals with issues of lateral dimension. And I don’t mean seat width either because the last thing the airlines need to do is pander to fatasses. I’m talking about the glaring armrest deficit. Let’s look at it from a mathematical standpoint.

Three people sit in a set of three airplane seats.
One person tends to have two arms.
Therefore, three people tend to have six arms.
A set of three airline seats tends to have four armrests.
WHAT?

Four armrests for six arms. That’s a terrible ratio. Only 66.6% of the arms on an airplane are resting. God knows what the other 33.3% are up to. Compare it to the 1 to 1 correspondence of ass to seat, or brain to seat-back video screen. If I just stopped my rant right here, no doubt some moron would try and tell me “Well Jheigh, theirs only enouph spaice for fore armrests. Airliens have to save money. Economy. Globalization. Bla bla bla.”

Bullshit.

As it stands currently, those in the aisle and window seats have to fight for one armrest. The poor sucker in the middle has to fight for two! This problem is only allayed if you’re next to a hot chick (or dude, if you’re a chick) whom you don’t mind using as a human armrest. Otherwise, you’re stuck with your arms folded uncomfortably because otherwise, you’re holding hands with your neighbor.

The trouble is that two arms cannot occupy the same physical space. However, if you look at it in terms of 3 dimensional rather than two dimensional space, they don’t have to! What if two arms could occupy the same lateral space by occupying different vertical spaces? Would that not solve the problem?

Rhetorical question, jackanus. Of course it would.

I present to you the Double Decker Armrest. This device could be placed on the armrest, and it would allow two arms to occupy one armrest without any issues of gayness, awkwardness, or otherwise uncomfortable arrangements. Note how I’ve positioned the D.D.A. so it gives slightly more room to the guy in the middle. This compensates for the fact that the guys to his left or right can lean away, resting more on their other armrest.

Here is a more detailed, though equally crude illustration. The little dark circles are padding.

When the situation does not call for the Double Decker Armrest as in when you’re lucky enough to sit next to a hot chick, or almost as good… have the whole row to yourself, it can be removed from the armrest and stowed under the seat.

Now for the legal bullshit: I release this idea into the public domain. This means all possible iterations and modifications of the Double Decker Armrest fall under the same classification and are thusly also public domain. This includes folding varieties, accomodations for armrest-mounted remote controls, differences in materials and ergonomic form. Anything that qualifies as a Double Decker Armrest, allowing two arms to share horizontal space, is classified under this declaration and is public domain.

Shit like this is why I’m smarter than airline product managers and seat designers. No longer will two men have to share an armrest.